PERSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

Starting NOW.

God is GOOD.

Even when life is BAD.

#thatisall
#okbye

Treadmilling

I always tell people I feel like I am on a treadmill running. Like I am working hard and trying my best but I am just running in place, not really going anywhere.

Feeling like you are going no where in life can really eat away at your ego; but God gave me a revelation.

Even if you feel like you are on a treadmill and that you aren't going anywhere on your path in life, you are still making PROGRESS. Even if you are running and not going anywhere you are still building your endurance and stamina. You are still conditioning yourself to go faster and farther! That way when you do start to see progress and you feel like you are moving ahead, you won't give up because you have all those miles from those treadmill days.

BE BLESSED AND KEEP RUNNING!

Have you ever sat down and just started to cry?

Not 'tears slowly falling on your face' cry, but the 'all out burst into tears asking God, why me?' cry.

I have been doing that a lot lately. Just sitting down thinking of how hard I am trying but how little reward I am seeing. God has to remind me here and there that I complain too much. I actually feel like he is telling me that right now as I sit here and type this. I personally do not like calling it complaining. I feel like I am venting; but none the less I get this feeling like he is disappointed in me when I continue to bring up my problems.

I could understand that though. I tend to speak in defeat at times--ok most times--instead of in victory. The thing is, deep down I know I have the victory. I know that with God all things are possible and that He would NEVER leave me nor forsake me.

My actions on the other hand..well thats another story. I need to line my actions up with what I know in my heart. I truly know there is no way in the world that I am going through all of this for nothing. I actually REFUSE to believe that.

Ever since I was little, my mom constantly tells me that I have a great calling on my life. I am not sure what it is but I do have to say I believe her. My motto right now is "whatever it takes" (well, me and my cousins' motto). Whatever it takes to get our projects up running, whatever it takes to be happy and at peace, whatever it takes to live the life I know Im supposed to be living. IM GOING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.

Besides, as I like to say, there is no point going through the test if you're not going to come out with a testimony.

Through it all..
Through every circumstance..
Through every trial..
And through every tribulation..

GIVE THANKS.

Happy Fathers Day.

Before this day is over, I would like to give a humongous shout out to all the fathers, godfathers, uncles, cousins, stepfathers, and any positive male role model out there...

HAPPY FATHERS DAY =)

GOD.
ANSWERS.
PRAYERS.

*As long as they are according to His will that is.

=)

Take 'Em To Church

Well go head Cassidy!

Quote Me

Here is something I read in my Psychology book that really caught my attention.

"If we avoid that which we are afraid of, it is difficult for us to overcome our fears."

I love that quote. How could we ever overcome anything that we are afraid of, whether it be an animal to an exam to a relationship, if we do not face our fears.

FACE YOUR FEARS PEOPLE! IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO OVERCOME THEM AND TO CONQUER :)

When someone knows your past and has heard things about you, heard opinions about you and stories about you (whether true or false) and still has no judgement against you and decides to continue to be your friend...
It has to be one of the most warm hearted feelings in the world.

Quote Me.

"My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry, to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return."

-Maya Angelou

SUMMER SCHOOL SUCKS.

THE END.

=)

OMG.
Jaden Smith sounds so cute in this.
I really would like to go see this movie.
Who wants to go?

I dont care what's going on with you...
What happened in your day...
What didn't happen in your day...
What anybody did to you...
Or didn't do to you...

MUSIC
MAKES
EVERYTHING
BETTER
=)

"I woke up early this mornin' with a new state of mindA creative way to rhyme without usin' knives and gunsKeep your nose out the sky, keep your heart to GodAnd keep your face to the risin' sun"

*Kanye West-Family Business

Worlds Greatest Mom?

I have this problem with comparing myself to others. One thing I compare myself in particular with is other young mothers. Sometimes I feel as though Im not enough of a mother to my daughter. I listen to what others say about motherhood and all the glitz and glamour.

"Oh I love being a mother" "I know everything about her/him" Blooh blah blah.

I love that and its all wonderful and dandy but I used to think that I was a terrible mother because I didn't always feel the same way. But I know Im not a bad mom and I need to get that through my head. Im young and I make mistakes and have a problem at times to properly prioritize things but I am learning. Each day I make more and more of an effort to be the best mother I can be to my daughter. Focusing on another person's relationship with their child will do nothing for me and mine. We all are different, which means all of our journeys are different.

Im super proud of myself for keeping calm and reminding myself this. If you knew me and how I can get depressed just off someone saying the slightest thing like "I love being a great mom" because of my own insecurities, you would be super proud of me too.

:)

Quote Me.

I just wrote a post about success in a post or two ago...and I found this quote that I had in one of my notebooks...

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."
-Booker T. Washington

Something to think about.

What is Love?

My last post made me want to post something else.
What is your definition of love?

Here is dictionary.com:
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.


BUT! Here is GOD's definition of LOVE:

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails........
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Quote Me.

"love is not a fight but its something worth fighting for"

I cant remember where I heard this but I thought it was an amazing quote. Love is truly something worth fighting for. Sometimes we give up too soon or right when we are about to have a TKO with our opponent (defeat).

If it is true love and something worth fighting for, if you know how things could be...how they should be, if you know deep down inside no matter what you have been through with that person you cannot see yourself living your life without them, THEN DONT GIVE UP! Put God first in your life and in your relationship. Let HIM take control over it and follow the path HE sets up for you and your significant other to walk.

Fight till you claim your victory and win!

I love me some her.
:)

Whats Your Definition of Success?

So I was listening to the radio and Drake's song Successful came on. It came to the chorus where it says:
"I want the money, money and the cars, cars and the clothes, the hos, I suppose. I just want to be successful"

Now, believe me, I am not one to argue that having money in the bank, nice cars and a great wadrobe aren't things that come along with success; but is that how we should really measure success?

What about a home, whether it's a mansion or a townhouse, it is up to us to make it a home. Or what about being able to help your family and have a good relationship with all the ones you love. Maybe sending off your kids or even your nieces/nephews, little cousins off to college because you 'made it'.

I dont know, maybe having a great relationship with God and being at peace with how you are and what you are becoming. Making a positive difference in the people who surround you lives and helping them walk the right path.

Im not downing the money, the clothes, nor the...wait, I am downing the hos. But seriously, we cannot just focus on materialistic things.
Thats all Im saying.

I Love Them.

Wanna know what I listen to everyday?
PAC DIV. Complements of him.

Two songs I always listen to since he told me about them...



*Back and Forth
"if we wont be together, keep me in your conscious"



*Back
"make up sex every time we fight, ima get you a ring when the time is right, when your mind is right, when mine is right"

Our Children & Race

We got to do better with our children.
Even if you have none, it is our responsibility to promote and bring awareness to equality and love.

Fish with herpes?

Thats it, the world is going to be over soon.

Whats in your cup?

Sometimes you have to go through certain situations to show you who you are and what you need to do to get on the right path.
I guess you can call me stubborn and hard-headed. I need to learn things the hard way. No, scratch that. I used to have to learn things the hard way. Now, I am trying to make the right decisions the first go round.

Due to certain circumstances my mind has shifted from unorganized thoughts and mixed up priorities to tunnel vision for achieving my dreams and destiny over my life. I went through a lot of heart ache and pain (some of which was brought on by myself), but it got me where I am today. Which is better than I have ever been before.

Our trials and tribulations serve us good if we use it in the right way. I'm deciding, with the help of others, to use mine in a more productive, inspirational, encouraging way to get me to where I need to be mentally, physically, and most important spiritually. I used to look at the cup as empty and gradually moved to half empty. I have reached half full but I am trying to get to a place where I view my cup as overflowing (whether there is anything in it or not). That is the true key to peace and happiness in my eyes.

Travel this journey with me. Do not let the pains of yesterday interrupt or take away the joys of tomorrow; hell, the joys of today for that matter. Seize the day and remember, this is the day (night for this matter) that the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it. :)

I know I am not the only one who struggles with exercise.

Im not fat. Im actually petite. But I NEED TO WORK OUT. Seriously, I do.
Everybody tells me to shut up when I say I need to go to the gym and it annoys me. Why you may ask?
Well because I used to run cross country and do track and field. I was VERY much in shape and the fact that running up the stairs to catch the phone makes me want to pass out in bed annoys me and eats me up inside.

So mark my words by the beginning of July I will be more toned and at least a little more 'fit' than I am right now, starting today, this very instant!

If I remember, I'll even do a before an after shot....maybe.

The 'P' Word

Why do African-Americans have such a problem with going to a Psychologist?

Like I can never understand it. I mean, I am not saying that ALL of us do. I am black and I go to a counselor and a psychologist. Yes, I am that messed up. But why is that taboo? Does me taking charge of my life and knowing that I need help in getting my mental state together intimidate you? Are you scared to reveal your inner most darkest feelings and secrets to someone because you feel you may be judged? Do you just want to be a complete mess for the rest of your life never knowing what true happiness is?

I mean can someone tell me the reason. Whether it goes back to slave days or just we as a people not getting with it, I would sincerely like to know.

All I know is my counselor, who is a pastor, and my psychologist, who is more here to tell me whether I am bipolar or not (I'll let you know when I do), has been the best things that has happened to me this year. I get to vent to an unbiased person and learn how to deal with my feelings, I get help from a religion stand point and help on making decisions in my life that will better me and set me up for success.

You can keep on being jacked up, but me? I'll gladly be called "crazy" for going to people who will eventually take that word out of my life.

that is all.

End of Spring 2010

Ladies & Gentlemen:

May I have your attention please?...

I AM OFFICIALLY DONE THE SPRING 2010 SEMESTER AND BOY DOES IT FEEL GOOD.
I am now an official sophomore in college. Take it Im a little behind where I am supposed to be, I am no longer considered a freshman, which has been bothering me since I started late.

Thank you, thank you! Hold the applause! *takes a bow* *now lowers head and walks back sadly* Off to summer school. At least its only TWO classes and they are ONLINE.

Quote Me.

"You need a licenses to buy a dog, to drive a car, hell you need a licenses to catch a fish. But they’ll let any asshole be a father."
— Keanu Reeves

I saw this on someone's tumblr page and thought it was a great quote, given my certain circumstance. *shrugs*

This goes for mothers as well, not all of us deserve to be called great. Some of yall out there dont care for your child as much as you care for a party or purse. smh.

Anywho, HAPPY HUMP DAY :)

Rap it Up!

We all know the risks of being infected with an STD/STI from unprotected sex. You put your life at risk each time you have unprotected sex.
I dont want this to be a PSA. STDs and STIs are not my main focus.

I have a daughter who will be two in August and her father and I have multiple disagreements. She was not planned but she is truly a blessing. Yet, because she was not planned, we never sat down and really discussed what happens in certain situations. We come from completely two different worlds and backgrounds.
We argue all the time about who she is with, what she is around, and different subjects pertaining to her.

I am not writing this to give you an insider on what goes on in my life; Im writing this to give forewarning and a word of wisdom:

DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO BE THE MOTHER/FATHER OF YOUR CHILD. point.blank.period.

Can someone please explain to me why the best thing to do is the hardest? How about explaining doing something, knowing in the end it only is going to bring you down? Story of my life. I constantly find myself in situations that set me up for failure; sometimes in my control and sometimes out of my control, but regardless I have been in plenty of those situations.

Im learning slowly but surely how to be a big girl and cut off ties that are cutting off my circulation. I am trying my best to make the best decisions that I know for a fact are good for me.

I think my heart distracts me from what I know is best. I care too much about others and their feelings. I care too much about how others will react or what they will think. I just want everyone to be happy and content and ok; but I need to want that for myself as well.

Once I am done with repairing myself and making sure I am ok and happy, it will be a lot easier to have others around me feel ok and happy. Im starting to realize other people and other things can never fill in a void for what is missing. You have to be content with self and always put Jesus first. That is the only way to be completely at peace with life.

A Friend Through it All

Something that I have learned and re-learned over and over again is that man will always let you down. No one is perfect and a lot of the times when you need someone, hell anyone, you find yourself alone. No matter how great your faith is, it hurts to be completely disregarded by people you care for and love but in the end, its faith that keeps you moving.

I know that when I am all alone and by myself with no one to comfort me and be here, God is right by my side. I believe I had to go through a lot of things to see that but nonetheless I saw it. Now when I do wrong I feel that much more upset about it because not only am I dissapointing myself, but I am dissapointing Him.

Like I previously stated, no one is perfect and that includes me (at the top of the list at that), but it just really amazes me how God loves me and cares for me and guides me through all my imperfections. A lot of times if I really sit down and dwell and meditate on all I've been through, it truly brings me to tears. He has had my back through it all and I have become so tunnel visioned to live my life pleasing Him.

In Comparison

Comparing myself to others is a hobby of mine. Comparing my skills, talents, beauty, intellegence, humor, wadrobe, you name it, I compare it. Why? I have no clue.

I believe I get the most upset when I see someone utilize a gift I have that I have allowed to fade away. Like when I hear someone write poetry, some are just natural poets that God has give that gift to. I believe that God has given me the gift of "slight poetry" (thats the term I use for it). Not enough for Def Poeetry Jam, but enough to cause an ear to listen. Yet, I have let that gift become stagnant.

Or I will look at the smarts of my sister and become envious because I have not taken the time and effort to know what she knows and to exceed in school.

Even looking at other's wadrobe, I look at mines and instead of being grateful for what is in my own closet, knowing others in need, and making something out of what I have, I down myself for not being as 'hip' as the next or look as put together as my counterparts.

A simple flaw that I would love to fix, the flaw of envy. They say the grass is always greener on the other side but if I put some fertilizer on my side, make sure it is watered and shine on it like the sun, who says my grass cant be as green as God made it to be?

I am currently working on not looking at others to down myself but to help give me motivation and inspiration to become the woman God has made me to be; and if you want to live more of a stress free life, you should take that approach too (unless you already do, then thumbs up to you suga).

True Friend

True:
1.sincere; not deceitful: a true interest in someone's welfare.
2.firm in allegiance; loyal; faithful; steadfast: a true friend.
3.being or reflecting the essential or genuine character of something: the true meaning of his statement.

Friend:
1.a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2.a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter.

(Definitions retrieved from dictionary.com)

Put the two definitions together and it describes to you a True Friend. I believe a lot of people have not the slightest clue on what a true friend is or what it entails. When the going gets tough, a true friend puts on their armour and stands their ground right beside you, sword in hand. A true friend puts their arm around your shoulder and lets you know it will be a-okay. However, a true friend will also give you a good kick in the ass (figuratively speaking) when needed.

In my growing life time, I have mistaken a lot of people for this title. Hell, most of my "friends" I have mistaken for this title; but each friend lost, is a lesson gained. I regret no friendship and I regret no pain because each brought me to where I am today. Each 'friend' taught me a lesson and during their season each gave me some good times that I will forever remember.

Just a word to the wise, do not mistake an acquantance with being a true friend, because in the middle of war when you look to your left and you see them running, your feelings, pride, and heart will be hurt.

Innocent Liars?

Question. Is there such a thing as an innocent lie? You know, like white lies or lying to protect one's feelings or prevent drama, heartache and/or pain. What if it wasn't necessarily lying but just not being 100% honest?

To say I have never told a lie would be lying ;)

But 98% of the time it is to prevent unecessary drama and/or to prevent one's feelings from becoming hurt. Does that justify lying? Hell to the no and I am honestly working on becoming telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth no matter who may be hurt in the process.

Honesty is truly the best policy. Unfortunately, like a lot of others, I have had to learn that the hard way. But, the hard way is still a lesson learned none the less.

Real Ish

Something Slight.

He showed me Love.
I showed him Hate.
He asked for Now.
I told him Wait.
He gave his All.
I gave him Less.
He settled for Good.
When he wanted Best.
He wanted Peace.
I was always Loud.
Despite it all,
He was always Proud.
Now he is gone,
And Im alone.
No one answers,
When I call his phone.
There is no one to help me get back on track.
No surprise I want that old thing Back.
I miss our Friendship,
I miss our Fun,
I miss our talks after the day is done.
But like I said, he is gone,
And Im alone.
No one answers,
When I call his phone.
He's on to the Next.
Im out of season.
I can't be mad.
I gave him a reason.
A reason to be gone,
A reason Im alone.
A reason no one answers,
When I call his phone.