Have you ever sat down and just started to cry?

Not 'tears slowly falling on your face' cry, but the 'all out burst into tears asking God, why me?' cry.

I have been doing that a lot lately. Just sitting down thinking of how hard I am trying but how little reward I am seeing. God has to remind me here and there that I complain too much. I actually feel like he is telling me that right now as I sit here and type this. I personally do not like calling it complaining. I feel like I am venting; but none the less I get this feeling like he is disappointed in me when I continue to bring up my problems.

I could understand that though. I tend to speak in defeat at times--ok most times--instead of in victory. The thing is, deep down I know I have the victory. I know that with God all things are possible and that He would NEVER leave me nor forsake me.

My actions on the other hand..well thats another story. I need to line my actions up with what I know in my heart. I truly know there is no way in the world that I am going through all of this for nothing. I actually REFUSE to believe that.

Ever since I was little, my mom constantly tells me that I have a great calling on my life. I am not sure what it is but I do have to say I believe her. My motto right now is "whatever it takes" (well, me and my cousins' motto). Whatever it takes to get our projects up running, whatever it takes to be happy and at peace, whatever it takes to live the life I know Im supposed to be living. IM GOING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.

Besides, as I like to say, there is no point going through the test if you're not going to come out with a testimony.